Sometimes ocd looks exactly like you would expect ocd to look–in adults and in children. But sometimes it can be a little trickier to recognize. Excessive reassurance seeking from trusted adults can be one of the first signs of OCD in children.

It makes so much sense for children to look to trusted adults for reassurance when they feel anxious or unsure. And, It’s typically a good thing because it points to an existing attachment relationship and a core belief that the child can get their needs met if they ask for help! But, when ocd is present, reassurance seeking can become excessive and begin to function as a compulsion. Compulsions may provide limited, short term relief, but they ultimately reinforce anxiety and worsen distress.

So, how should a parent respond?

It’s ok to provide information to children. After all, they do not have the benefit of a lifetime of experiences to draw from. Sometimes they actually don’t know what is going to happen and they need to be able to get information and comfort from trusted adults.

Information sounds like—”storms can be loud and scary, but we have a house that protects us, and most of the time storms only last a little while and they don’t hurt people.”

Reassurance sounds like—”We are going to be ok. Our house is going to be ok. I’m sure that lightning was far away. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Both of those things can be lovely things to say to children. But when a child is suffering with OCD, the truth is that no amount of reassurance will ever be enough. There will always be another “what if” or a desire to hear the reassurance again. A child with intrusive thoughts and worries about storms might ask Alexa for the weather forecast every day. Reassurance can also look like asking a parent the same question every day or even multiple times per day, when they already know the answer. Children with ocd might doubt your answers and ask for more evidence or proof; this is another way of seeking additional reassurance.

It is always appropriate to show empathy to your child and can be really helpful for you to reflect what you notice that they are feeling. The anxiety and distress is real! So, connecting with your child in a way that helps them feel heard, understood, and cared about can provide the support that they need in order to regulate the big feelings that they are having.

Reflecting feelings with empathy sounds like–”You are so worried about that! I can tell that you are thinking a lot about what might happen and feeling really anxious. I care about how you feel!”

Do

• Provide information.
• Connect by showing empathy.
• Reflect feelings.

Avoid

• Giving repeated reassurance.
• Answering questions that you have already answered.
• Providing long explanations or “proof” of what you say.

Extra credit.

• As a part of OCD treatment, parents can learn how to give neutral or even anti-reassurance responses so that they don’t reinforce anxiety spirals for kids.