Who Is Setting the Emotional Temperature In Your Home?
As a therapist who works with kids and parents, I have seen firsthand how quickly a child’s emotions can set the tone for the entire household. A meltdown turns into an argument, frustration turns into yelling, and everyone ends up dysregulated by the end. But here’s a question for you to consider:
Are you helping your child(ren) regulate their emotions, or are you unintentionally making things worse by the way you are reacting?
In the play-based treatment program Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT), Garry Landreth introduces the analogy of the thermometer and the thermostat. A thermometer reflects the temperature around it. When kids get loud, parents get loud. When kids escalate, parents escalate. Functioning as a thermometer means matching your child’s emotional intensity instead of helping them work through it.
A thermostat, however, sets the temperature of the space. When the temperature around it gets warmer, that triggers it to introduce cool air in order to maintain a stable environment. Parents can learn to mimic this same function. This doesn’t mean ignoring your child’s feelings or allowing inappropriate behavior. It means staying grounded, holding boundaries, and responding with intention rather than reacting out of frustration.
Life with kids can be chaotic sometimes. Kids are going to have big feelings and they are still learning how to manage them. As a parent, you have the opportunity to model what regulation looks like. The next time emotions run high in your home, resist the impulse to match the chaos. Pause and ask yourself –
Am I being a thermometer – reflecting my child’s emotions, or a thermostat – helping regulate the emotional temperature of our home?
Autumn Jeria is a Clinical Therapist at Bellaire Family Counseling in Bellaire, TX. She specializes in child and adolescent therapy using an integrative Person-Centered and CBT-informed framework with play therapy and skills-based interventions, serving Bellaire, TX and the greater Houston area in-person and via telehealth throughout Texas. If you’d like to work with Autumn, you can call (713) 300-8951 or email info@bellairefamilycounseling.com. You can also schedule a consultation at a time that is convenient for you.